It’s been a long week,
Or has it been a month?
I’m losing count again…
Where is that damn calendar?
Oh my! 2002? Isn’t it 2008 or something?
Note to self: keep updated with the date!
And buy a new calendar.

I haven’t seen my god children in ages,
Guess they are all grown up now and don’t need me anymore
I haven’t been such a good godmother in so long!
I miss the old days
Where I used to surprise them with outings,
When I used to get them the best gifts on birthdays and Christmas
Now I spend Christmas alone,
I don’t even remember when their birthday is
I miss when I was useful…
I miss when people looked up to me…
When they actually liked to talk to me!
I miss the days when I actually liked myself.

I remember the days where I lived in luxury and wealth
A huge mansion, my own room with servants
The weekend trips to Paris and Rome
The sexy lingerie and dresses…
Men died for me,
A new suitor everyday…
I actually caught the eye of a prince once
But look at me now…
Alone in a haunted house
No one asks about me, no one cares anymore
No family… no friend

I think there is someone in the house again,
Knocking as always… footsteps
Calling my name…
Asking for money again…
I won’t answer this time, maybe in time they will go away
Maybe they will stop stealing my money…
Maybe they will stop banging on the walls!

Its time for my pills again…
Was it 2 a day? or 3?
Did I even take them yesterday?
I don’t remember anymore… I don’t remember anything!
The doctors say I need it,
It keeps me balanced. I feel fine though…
Those idiots!

All they doo is keep me tired!
I sleep all day and eat all night…
Food has no taste though,
The colors are all fading…
The sun is never bright enough
And the moon has lost it’s spark.
*smiles* how would I know?
I haven’t opened a window since last year.

Where are my car keys by the way?
Where the hell is my purse???
Everything I own is lost! I bet they hid them from me!
I don’t even know where my house keys are…
That’s why I don’t leave this shit hole of a house!
Damn it!
Its all in their plan. They don’t want me to leave the house!
They want me to be alone!
They want me to eat myself alive!
I need a drink,
Wine will calm my head *gulp*…

What! Finished already?
These bottles get smaller and smaller each day!
* gets another one out of the fridge*
The second one might stop that wretched pounding!
I’m sick and tired of this life, this house, ME!
I have no family, no children, no lover! Nothing at all!
I’m all alone! It’s driving me insane!
Literally nothing at all is holding me back…
My life has been such a waste
I thought I had it all
I thought I controlled it…
I decided what I want and when I wanted it.
Now it’s all gone…
It slipped away…
As my life…
The room is spinning now…
I was wondering when it would start

Time to play my piano again
I’m sick of it pretending to play itself